Photo taken in the Royal Library, Windsor Castle
Muscle to Strengthen
Let’s face it, emotions are tricky. I mean, the very fact that there are over eighty-seven distinct experiences should tell you why the topic itself is hard to wrap your head around.
Of course, ignoring the subject altogether is not something we can really do if we aim to navigate this journey called life in a meaningful and productive way. Fortunately, research in the field continues to grow each year.
This is because if there is one skill that remains valuable in all areas of our lives, it’s emotional intelligence—the ability to recognize, understand, and manage how we feel in a positive and effective way. Its value knows no bounds since it directly enhances our capacity to reduce stress, empathize with others, and explain our ideas in an impactful way.
Naturally, the benefits we reap from unlocking our EQ potential can lead to a plethora of additional skills like self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, and so much more. If applied well, all of this knowledge can translate into deeper and more fulfilling relationships, both personally and professionally.
As with many qualities, this ability is not a fixed trait but a muscle we can strengthen over time through practice and learning. That said, here are five of the top books on emotional intelligence worth reading below.
1. Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
If you’re looking for an in-depth take on the matter, then this is the one for you. Using science-based concepts and behavioral research, Goleman brings to bear the factors that lead up to “a different way of being smart.”
In his book, he expounds on his insights about the dynamic between two minds. This includes the rational thinking mind and the emotional feeling mind, both working together in unison to shape our destiny.
He also covers what happens in the brain when an “emotional hijacking” experience occurs, caused by passion overriding reason. From key takeaways like the five domains of EQ to the learnable skills and their impact on our longevity, this is a dense read that will expand your understanding from the very first page.
“People’s beliefs about their abilities have a profound effect on those abilities. Ability is not a fixed property; there is a huge variability in how you perform. People who have a sense of self-efficacy bounce back from failures; they approach things in terms of how to handle them rather than worrying about what can go wrong.”
2. Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown
There’s no talking about emotions without delving into the work of Brené Brown, the renowned researcher and author of The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, and other noteworthy titles. In this illuminating read, Brown maps out the eighty-seven different human emotions and experiences, providing the definitions of each label in a clear and relatable way.
In it, she takes us on a journey through each sensation, giving us the tools we need to discern the nuance between the full spectrum of our shared emotionality. Organized into thirteen distinct categories, the book’s structure groups all unique emotions into situational contexts with sections like “Places We Go When We Compare” and “Places We Go When Things Don’t Go As Planned.”
One of the biggest takeaways I loved about the book is her framework about emotions manifesting in our lives in four ways: biology (how our feelings show up in the body), biography (how our upbringing shapes responses), behavior (how our habits drive our reactions), and backstory (how certain life experiences trigger emotions). This is definitely a must-read you can keep returning to that I highly recommend.
“The near enemy of love is attachment. Attachment masquerades as love. It says, ‘I will love this person (because I need something from them).’ Or, ‘I’ll love you if you’ll love me back. I’ll love you, but only if you will be the way I want.’ This isn’t the fullness of love. Instead there is attachment—there is clinging and fear. True love allows, honors, and appreciates; attachment grasps, demands, needs, and aims to possess.”
3. The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
If there is one book in the world of self-help and personal growth that I think should go straight to the top five of any reading list, it’s this one. Personally, I find it incredibly empowering, especially for those looking for ways to get out of feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or frustrated more often than you’d like to admit.
With personal stories, anecdotes, and insights from her own life, Robbins gives us a look into her life-changing philosophical advice that continues to be the talk of the town. In a nutshell, her theory can be broken down into two parts: let them (allow people to be themselves and make their own choices) and let me (allow myself to reclaim my energy and focus on the choices available to me).
The way I see it, it’s a book about acceptance and self-direction, how to apply it in real life, and what that looks like. If you’re looking for a fresh voice with a bold, uplifting vibe, this is definitely worth checking out.
“When you’re an adult, your life, happiness, health, healing, social life, friendships, boundaries, needs, and success are all your responsibility. If you’ve been secretly hoping someone else would come and rescue you, fix your problems, pay your bills, create a social life, heal your wounds, change into your dream partner, and motivate you to be your best. . . it’s not going to happen. No one is coming. And any time you spend blaming other people, or waiting for permission or an invitation, is wasted. Those days are over. It’s time to take full responsibility for your happiness, your dreams, and your life. After all, responsibility is simply the ability to respond. And as you’ve just learned, true power lies in your response.”
4. Emotional Agility by Susan David
This is another compelling work on emotional intelligence written by Susan David, an award-winning psychologist and speaker from South Africa. In it, she dives deep into the moment-to-moment process of treating feelings as data you can work with using a purposeful approach.
Her groundwork emphasizes the importance of handling emotions with agility by “holding them loosely” before choosing the next actions that keep you in line with your personal values. In doing so, she argues that it allows you to stay in an actionable mindset rather than falling into the traps of ineffective “bottling” or “brooding.”
All in all, this book teaches you how to step away from rigid, automatic responses and shift toward a more flexible, intentional, and integrity-driven life. It’s hands down a great choice for actionable advice you can easily try out for yourself.
“Life is full of diving boards and other precipices, but, as we’ve seen throughout this discussion of emotional agility, making the leap is not about ignoring, fixing, fighting, or controlling fear—or anything else you might be experiencing. Rather, it’s about accepting and noticing all your emotions and thoughts, viewing even the most powerful of them with compassion and curiosity, and then choosing courage over comfort in order to do whatever you’ve determined is most important to you.”
5. What Happened To You by Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey
I have to say that this book is not for the faint-hearted, but it is, nevertheless, one of the most transformative works on emotional trauma I’ve come across. Through deeply sensitive and personal conversations on childhood trauma, both authors shed light on the necessary shift from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”
With an interwoven blend of real-life stories and brain science, this book offers scientific insights into brain development as well as the pathways that lead to lasting healing. In it, Winfrey shares intimate and private details of her past, allowing readers a peek into the adversity she faced at a young age and the choices she made to overcome it.
From themes like shifting perspective to the power of connection and more, this is a life-changing resource that can be used as a roadmap for resilience and recovery. It’s without a doubt one of the most helpful books out there on trauma for both patients and health specialists alike.
“It’s interesting—most people think about therapy as something that involves going in and undoing what’s happened. But whatever your past experiences created in your brain, the associations exist and you can’t just delete them. You can’t get rid of the past. Therapy is more about building new associations, making new, healthier default pathways. It is almost as if therapy is taking your two-lane dirt road and building a four-lane freeway alongside it. The old road stays, but you don’t use it much anymore. Therapy is building a better alternative, a new default. And that takes repetition, and time, honestly, it works best if someone understands how the brain changes. This is why understanding how trauma impacts our health is essential for everyone.”
Knowledge is Power
When it comes to developing emotional intelligence, there’s no denying the value that reading up on the topic can bring. As emotional creatures, it only makes sense to expand our skill set in this area, especially since doing so helps us interact better with the world around us.
It’s not easy to stay grounded and in your values, especially when the room you find yourself in is filled with a range of emotions bouncing off the walls. Thankfully, as they say, knowledge is power, which can hopefully keep you calm and steady in the midst of the chaos that, in a lot of ways, might actually make you stronger in the end.
