Photo taken in Tallinn, Estonia
Mixed Feelings
I’ve never been great at goodbyes. I never quite knew how to navigate them.
Socially, I understood the general etiquette—saying farewell with kind words, a warm smile, and a heartfelt hug.
But beyond the surface gestures, I wasn’t skilled at handling what came after: the grief, the loss, the uncertainty. Emotionally, I struggled with the painful reality that sometimes, after spending so much time with someone, things must come to an end.
Without always knowing when or why, people we care about deeply sometimes take a different path. The time simply runs out—like walking beside a dear friend for years until reaching a fork in the road.
Maybe those forks are where life-defining choices are made. Perhaps they mark the moments when clarity pushes us toward necessary change.
Whether that change means moving to a new place or growing personally, only we can truly know when it’s time to choose our own direction. Of course, what follows is rarely easy.
Right after we part ways with someone important, sadness and fear tend to rush in. I thought about this exact feeling while watching Pixar’s Inside Out.
I was captivated as the story unfolded about a young girl forced to start over in a new city. She silently endures her pain until a breakthrough moment, when vulnerability brings about a powerful understanding.
It was deeply moving. Even now, I cry every time I see it.
Because it so perfectly captures the bittersweet truth: the things we grieve often guide us on our path to becoming.
First Goodbyes
One of my earliest goodbyes happened in first grade. At the time, I had a best friend I saw constantly. Then suddenly, a big life change pulled us apart—and just like that, I never saw her again.
In the years that followed, four different women lived with us, each staying for a time before moving on with their lives.
Perhaps witnessing them leave taught me something. Because I still remember my seven-year-old self refusing to say goodbye to the first of them—in the most dramatic, inappropriate way.
All I can say, dear reader, is that I grabbed her umbrella—yes, the one she was holding as she tried to walk out the door—and clung to it like my life depended on it, dragging behind her across the floor until she left for good.
Clearly, I had a lot to learn about letting go. Watching the next women leave, one by one, didn’t make it any easier.
Eventually, I began to understand: We don’t get to keep people. We can’t force anyone to stay in our lives just because we’ve invested time or care in them.
Still, even with that understanding, I never stopped disliking goodbyes. Maybe it was because I had to say them so often—every time I moved during my childhood and teenage years—that they started to feel pointless.
Perhaps I became numb to them. But even now, I sometimes wonder: do partings always have to feel so sad?
Because what exactly happens when we go our separate ways? Do all the moments we share with those that matter most instantly disappear forever?
A Game of Dodgeball
There’s no denying that not seeing someone as often as you once did is painful. The emotions that follow a meaningful goodbye are hard to process.
It’s painful to sit with the truth, to revisit memories of what once was, to accept that it’s over, and to face the reality of moving on.
Maybe that’s the price of experiencing love, friendship, and connection. We don’t get the joy without some of the heartache that comes with it.
Still, I won’t pretend that I learned to handle grief quickly or gracefully. Quite the opposite—I did everything I could to avoid it.
Like a game of dodgeball, I crafted strategies to evade the emotion I feared most.
Instead of entering friendships with full vulnerability, I wore invisible armor. I mentally prepared myself for the day people would leave, never allowing myself to get too close.
Looking back, I realize this coping strategy was both unfair and detached. I think I was trying to minimize the pain of intimacy—to protect myself from the emotional cost of goodbyes.
Later on, I would eventually learn that there is no way around it, that connection and loss go hand in hand, and that perhaps there is more meaning behind the experience of grief than I was allowing myself to understand.
The Ones Who Change Us
Over the course of our lives, we meet so many people that it becomes impossible to keep up with them all. The more bonds we form, the harder it is to maintain every single one.
Yet, some people are unforgettable. No matter how much time has passed or how far apart we are, they stay with us.
Even if we no longer speak, they’ve shaped our future choices in lasting ways. Whether they were friends, coworkers, or brief acquaintances, their presence added something to who we are.
Through the smallest interactions, they left impressions that still guide our preferences, interests, and habits. These are often the goodbyes that hurt most—because we know the time we spent with them can’t be replicated.
As the saying goes, we may not remember exactly what someone said, but we’ll always remember how they made us feel. That truth hits hard when we consider how many people we cross paths with in just one lifetime.
No matter how small a role someone plays, it’s eye-opening to realize how deeply we affect one another. Our choices, energy, and presence often leave a bigger impact than we think.
In Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert writes:
“Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in the forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope.”
The Good and the Bad
For a long time, I believed it was easier to be the one who leaves than the one who gets left behind. Maybe that depends on the person.
But in my experience, choosing to walk away from everything familiar—just to move beyond comfort and complacency—is far from easy. Leaving behind what feels safe is never as effortless as it might seem.
Still, if we never take that step, how could we ever grow into the people we’re meant to become? How would we build courage or resilience without the challenges that change and uncertainty bring?
Everyone is on their own journey. And no matter how long someone stays in our lives—whether briefly or for years—the time shared is never meaningless.
Our moments of genuine connection only add to who we become. Good times may come and go, but those impressions remain a part of us until the end.
As agonizing as experiences like grief and loss can be, the pain and sadness point to some significant truths worth appreciating. They reveal that the times shared were meaningful.
They teach us that certain people or events from our past still matter to us and for a reason. The heartache we feel over something we miss shows that some element of love is still present.
I think this is why we can’t have the good without the bad. They coexist to serve a purpose that we might not fully comprehend at times.
Without the fear of uncertainty, gratitude for the things we cherish most could never appear. So although Shakespeare once wrote, “Parting is such sweet sorrow,” maybe it doesn’t have to be.
Maybe it’s never goodbye for good, as we might assume in a moment. Maybe goodbyes are less about leaving and much more about continuing.
Because who really knows whom we might cross paths with one day in this unpredictable world and how our ever-uncertain tomorrow ultimately unfolds?
