Photo taken in Nyhavn, Copenhagen
Raindrops on Roses
Years back, I came across the idea: Only you can save yourself. It sounds quite morbid, I know—almost as if a sense of doom lurks behind the very words.
I can’t recall the first time I encountered the phrase. How I initially stumbled upon this cheerful insight, I couldn’t tell you.
But what I do know is that, even to this day, it resonates with me. Only you can save yourself—could this possibly be true?
I don’t see it in a life-or-death way, like in a movie. Not in a Titanic kind of way. The image of Rose DeWitt Bukater clinging to that door while Jack sinks into the icy ocean isn’t what I mean.
Although I must admit, while watching this, my younger self couldn’t help but think—really, Jack? After everything? After all you struggled to get to this moment, you’re just gonna chill there? Literally? But I digress.
What I’m talking about is saving yourself in small, everyday ways—the kind you might not even notice. Maybe these moments are mostly visible in times when we are struggling.
Challenging mornings and long days of low mood have a way of presenting us with opportunities to rise above and turn things around. One song that perfectly paints this picture poignantly is “My Favorite Things” in the film The Sound of Music.
The whimsical Fräulein Maria, played by Julie Andrews, describes the mental exercise she uses to confront difficult emotions. In her efforts to comfort the frightened children, she strings together joy-inducing images of her favorite things.
This includes raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, brown paper packages, and warm woolen mittens. She teaches them how to seek delight in the little things—to find solace in the smallest of ways.
Even now, I only feel grateful that I had the chance to listen to this happy tune as a child. Because today, I can’t help but think that what she was really singing about was something more profound than I could ever have known at the time.
Finding a Solution
There is no denying that our moods change like the weather. Of course, their intensity and duration will vary from person to person.
While we cannot always pinpoint the exact cause, we can noticeably feel the effect. Whether our low moods come as a result of a lack of sleep, a recent encounter we’re still processing, a pressing matter we need to change, or a long-overdue bout of hunger—ultimately, it is up to us to figure out what to do about it.
What I love about messages like those in the song is that they reveal the significance of setting our minds. We can decide what to think about. We can decide what to focus on.
This gives us a better chance of changing our experience, which ultimately affects our perspective and outlook on life. It’s also how we practice self-soothing, a normal and healthy behavioral exercise that serves as a self-care routine for improved emotional regulation.
We self-soothe when we listen to music, take a walk, make a journal entry, and more. It’s all about finding an activity that eases your thoughts and helps you feel better.
While it’s important not to run away from your difficult emotions, this practice helps you take a moment for yourself. This allows you to process things properly and release any tension before facing the issue at hand.
Self-soothing boxes with photos, gratitude tokens, and other memorabilia can help us reorient our minds in the moment. In doing so, we are actively playing a role in safeguarding our sense of well-being.
We are taking responsibility for our actions rather than blaming our current circumstances and seeing them as permanent. To self-soothe is to respond to your needs, holding yourself accountable in the path to adulthood and maturity.
In the hilarious phenomenon Bridesmaids, the character played by Melissa McCarthy says:
“I don’t associate with people who blame the world for their problems, because you’re your problem, Annie, and you’re also your solution.”
Hygge
Changes in temperature and weather are widely acknowledged factors that influence our mood, including the time of the year itself. Seasons come and seasons go—the hardest of them inarguably during the darkest and coldest period of all.
Of course, seasons vary in intensity based on the specific region and climate. I could not have fully understood this until I moved to the Nordic region of Europe and experienced it firsthand.
Winters in this part of the world can be severe with freezing temperatures and minimal daylight for several months. In many ways, Nordic winters offer one of the biggest tests of your mental health and fortitude.
I was surprised to learn that self-soothing practices are not taken for granted here, especially in one particular Scandinavian country. In Denmark, this method is seen less as an exercise and more as a lifestyle.
In Danish culture, this is called hygge, a quality of cosiness you experience simply by designing it into your day. Hygge can be created through any of the things that bring you a sense of engagement, pleasure, and contentment.
From candlelit atmospheres to warm fireplaces to fuzzy blankets to delicious food and more, the aim is to decide how to make your space happy, calm, and safe. Others find hygge in moments of togetherness, which can include hugging, playing, or gathering to enjoy the good things in life with your favorite people.
As simple as it might sound, seeking ways to soothe can make a great deal of difference, especially on a particularly difficult day. It enables you to own your experience, encouraging you to find your innermost resourcefulness in the face of stress, fear, and pain.
In The Little Book of Hygge, Meik Wiking writes:
“It is about keeping in mind that you live right now, allowing yourself to focus on the moment and appreciate the life you lead, to focus on all that you have, not what you don’t.”
Coming Home
One of the most valuable things about self-soothing isn’t so much about the little treats of pleasure you give yourself but the recognition of needing something in the first place.
Maybe it’s less about the outcome and more about the process—the moment you realize you’ve somehow lost your footing before figuring out how to reclaim your sense of direction once again. It’s like coming home to yourself, tracing your steps with meaningful items that help you remember what truly matters.
This reminds me of a scene in the movie Soul, when Dorothea shares advice with Joe, an aspiring jazz musician. She tells the story about a fish looking for the ocean, asking around repeatedly until an older fish points out they’re already swimming in it.
But the young fish dismisses the idea as if it were ludicrous, insisting, “This is water. What I want is the ocean.” Sometimes, when things don’t go our way, we fail to realize what’s right in front of us.
Sometimes, we forget to explore any available opportunities our current circumstances have in store. Is it possible that we jeopardize these moments, letting alternative options pass us by?
What I admire about self-soothing methods is that they can serve as a reminder to practice presence. Be it a walk in nature, a warm cup of tea, a relaxing sauna, or a good book, the very act of doing what you love offers a shift in your mood and energy—enough to prepare you for the next step.
No matter how tiny these choices might seem, their impact makes a difference like night and day. In Anne of Avonlea, L.M. Montgomery writes:
“I believe that the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string.”
Choosing Ourselves
“I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad,” sang the beloved Fräulein Maria. To be honest, it might be my favorite line.
Yes, it’s simple, but it’s also powerful. Though some might argue that reaching for something positive at a time of struggle resembles a form of bright-siding, I have to disagree with this entirely.
Because to self-soothe isn’t to deny the existence of pain—rather, it’s an expanding of our awareness; a reminder that in the midst of sadness and despair, hope and the promise of something better are also available as soon as we are ready to acknowledge them.
It’s a recalling of the obvious yet difficult truth to swallow that both good and bad things coexist at the exact same time. This includes the kinds of things that upset us to our very core and the ones that hold all the potential to reverse this evermore.
So that if we ever find ourselves in need of a dose of self-compassion, we might actually choose not to shy away from it but instead do something completely different. Maybe we might actually choose it, and by doing so, we choose perspective, we choose hygge, we choose to find a way.
No matter how big or small an endeavor it might appear on the outside, deep within our knowing, we are choosing ourselves. In all of the little ways we do, we are saving our today and our tomorrow as we closely align our choices to an undeniable truth—one that we already know but might always need to remember—which is that darkness cannot touch the light; it only defines it.
