Photo taken in a cottage in Lapland, Finland
Just Right
As a child, one of the things I looked forward to most was storytime. I loved it when teachers gathered the class to read a good book.
Sometimes, they’d use different voices for all the characters, which I always found amusing.
It never mattered whether we stayed in the classroom or visited the school library. The setting didn’t affect me.
That’s because I was never focused on my surroundings during storytime; I was too absorbed in the story itself.
Books with imaginative worlds fascinated me, offering ideas I could never come up with on my own. Classic children’s fables, for example, are filled with mystery, adventure, and meaningful lessons.
Stories like Little Red Riding Hood, The Three Little Pigs, and Jack and the Beanstalk are just a few of the well-known tales shared across generations.
One story that has always stuck with me is Goldilocks and The Three Bears. It’s about a little girl who wanders into a forest and discovers an empty house.
She enters the home uninvited and makes herself comfortable in every way. She samples three chairs, three bowls of porridge, and three beds—choosing the ones that feel “just right.”
Eventually, the three bears return and find her asleep, prompting her to flee. As a child, I assumed the story’s message was about respecting others’ property.
I never imagined it could carry a deeper meaning about choosing the right balance. It wasn’t until years later that I reconnected with this fable and linked it to Aristotle’s philosophy of the Golden Mean—a guide to virtuous living.
Goldilocks Rule
I revisited the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears when I learned about a well-known concept: the Goldilocks Rule. This idea, inspired by the fairy tale, can be applied across many areas of life.
The rule suggests that optimal conditions for performance lie between boredom and overwhelm—a space where tasks are challenging but still manageable. This balance keeps us engaged and motivated.
By fine-tuning this middle ground, we’re more likely to stay consistent without feeling discouraged. It’s a principle we can use in almost every aspect of life.
At school, in the workplace, or on teams, it’s a helpful lens for shaping habits or routines that boost performance. By improving our systems, we can dramatically change our outcomes.
In our personal lives, the Goldilocks Rule can break tasks down into manageable steps for self-improvement. Whether you’re trying to master a skill or pursue a passion, this principle offers a helpful framework for measuring progress.
Staying mentally engaged through just the right level of challenge helps us grow and maintain momentum. It’s also a pathway to unlocking creativity and entering a state of flow.
In Atomic Habits, author James Clear writes:
“The Goldilocks rule states that humans experience peak motivation when working on tasks that are right on the edge of their current abilities. Not too hard. Not too easy. Just right.”
Thinking Backwards
Another idea that supports a balanced approach is the Backwards Law. Popularized by Alan Watts, it draws from ancient Zen teachings.
This law suggests that thinking in reverse can actually improve your life. It helps you recognize opportunity in negative experiences and fosters a mindset of acceptance.
According to the principle, obsessing over positive outcomes can create a sense of lack. When we constantly chase an ideal, we may feel like we’re falling short.
Ironically, this can push us further from what we want. The Backwards Law encourages us to embrace negative values as a counterbalance.
That means pairing things like creativity with rejection, learning with failure, or gratitude with uncertainty.
The goal is to use these opposites to create harmony in whatever you’re striving for. As strange as it sounds, negative experiences often carry important lessons.
Pain is a constant in life, showing up as chaos, confusion, and unpredictability. It’s essential to make room for it in both our personal and professional goals.
Doing so allows us to reset our expectations and accept times when we feel out of control. That’s often where the “gold” lies—in those moments between comfort and challenge, using both wins and losses to grow.
In The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson writes:
“What’s interesting about the backwards law is that it’s called ‘backwards’ for a reason: not giving a fuck works in reverse… The failures of business are what lead to a better understanding of what’s necessary to be successful… The pain of honest confrontation is what generates the greatest trust and respect in your relationships… Suffering through your fears and anxieties is what allows you to build courage and perseverance.”
The Golden Mean
If you visit the Temple of Apollo in Athens, you’ll find an ancient inscription that reads: “Nothing in excess.” This reflects Aristotle’s teachings about the importance of virtue.
While values offer abstract direction, virtues are real-life actions. According to Aristotle, virtue lies between two extremes—excess and deficiency.
To build moral character, one must find the balance between too much and too little of any trait. It’s no surprise that overindulgence can lead us astray.
Overvaluing one habit or pursuit can gradually turn it into a vice. Without awareness, anything—even something good—can become harmful.
That’s why moderation is essential.
It’s helpful to reflect on the habits that shape our daily lives. How much time do we spend on self-care versus self-growth? Which routines are overdone, and which are neglected?
How do these patterns affect our energy, confidence, and mindset? What small changes can we make today to bring more balance to our values and goals?
Aristotle believed that this careful moderation leads us to the Golden Mean—a place where we don’t just succeed, but truly flourish.
In How To Be Perfect, Michael Schur writes:
“‘Nature, habit, and teaching’, says Aristotle, ‘are all needed.’ Because flourishing, you see, doesn’t just require us to identify and then acquire all these virtues—it requires that we have every one in the exact right amount.”
Flourishing
It’s always fascinating to revisit stories from childhood and discover something new. This happens to me often.
Whether it’s in fiction, nonfiction, or old children’s tales, there’s something comforting about finding new meaning in familiar pages, no matter your age.
Maybe it’s a sign of how much we’ve grown—or how much we forget. Either way, I never imagined I’d come to rethink a simple bedtime story.
I didn’t expect there to be more to Goldilocks and the Three Bears than just a lesson about trespassing. But now I see it differently.
It reminds me of times in my life when I struggled with extremes—too much of something or not enough. Whether it was sleep deprivation, screen overload, or constant stress, my unhealthy habits often traced back to two key vices: laziness and impatience.
It took me a while to realize they sit at opposite ends of a spectrum.
And somewhere in the middle lies the golden mean—a place where I can apply the Goldilocks principle and say with confidence: this feels “just right.”
Of course, perfection isn’t real. I have good days and bad days. But every so often, I experience a deep sense of alignment in everything I do.
It’s a rare but powerful feeling—one of purpose, clarity, and flow. This must be what Aristotle meant by flourishing.
Because to flourish is to blossom, to thrive, and to prosper; to welcome the natural high of owning this human experience—where you can witness yourself transform into the one person that some part of you always knew you could be.
