Holding space
Benefits of Active Listening
If there is one life skill that we might overlook without pause, it would be the art of listening. However, listening is so important that understanding how to do it properly translates well into multiple areas of our lives.
How many forms of misunderstanding could we avoid simply by letting someone finish a complete thought? How much time could we save by making sure we are on the same page with that person?
One struggle we face while working with others is having to face the challenges of miscommunication. This is why, as simple as it may seem, seeking ways to understand people better is a worthwhile endeavor.
From building connections to resolving conflicts and more, this is one skill that can help us in more ways than we might realize. Because knowing how to listen to others effectively is an invaluable ability that affects all areas of our lives.
Active listening is a communication skill that involves processing someone’s words while also seeking to understand their intent and meaning. If you are looking to level things up in this area, here are eight ways to improve your listening skills.
1. Do your best not to interrupt
It’s no secret that interrupting someone is one of the surest ways to reveal poor listening skills in the moment. It not only frustrates the person, it makes them think you believe what you have to say is more important.
While it’s no excuse, the hardest habits to break are the ones passed down to us when we’re young. Whether we develop this tendency on our own or from familial or group patterns, it’s important to become aware of when it happens to do something about it.
2. Withhold judgment
Another unhelpful response that harms our communication with others is when we jump to conclusions. This can happen when, in the middle of listening to someone, we immediately start planning what to say next.
Regardless of our motivation behind this, the time we take to do this can make us miss important context. The more essential the information, the more incomplete our understanding will be of the situation, not to mention the insights that we’ve just deliberately put together as a result.
3. Be patient
Sometimes, even the most obvious things are easier said than done. Practicing patience, for example, would solve a lot of issues in this area, but it nevertheless requires a good amount of effort and discipline.
It’s not difficult to get caught up in the rhythms of a busy day, moving through your list to get things done and stay on top of things. But it’s a good idea to keep in mind that conversations are a time for pause, an opportunity for you to anchor down to the present and lean in to what someone has to tell you.
4. Offer nonverbal cues
Another way to improve your listening skills is by letting someone know that they have your attention in a way that is most natural to you. Of course, the idea is not to do so with the intention of simply appearing so, because that would obviously be disingenuous.
Rather, the cues actually help both the speaker and the listener. In doing so, you are actively signaling to the other person that you are taking in the information and processing it, with any eye contact and head nods serving as an anchor for your attentiveness.
5. Imagine the person’s experience
As distracted as the mind can get in any single instant, one of the common tricks to direct your focus is to rely on visual and sensory details. Use your imagination to paint a picture of the situation or issue being described.
Notice their tone of voice and body language to consider additional subtext that is relevant to what they are trying to tell you. This helps you step into the other person’s shoes to get a deeper understanding of their perspective and recent experience.
6. Ask questions to follow up
When the person has stopped speaking, now is the time for you to fill any gaps with the information you received. It’s never a bad idea to ask questions to double-check that you didn’t skip over anything substantial.
Asking open-ended questions is a great way to follow up on parts you are curious about or didn’t fully understand. Questions aimed at probing more deeply into the details of a person’s insights not only show your genuine interest in the matter but also help the person feel valued.
7. Repeat back your interpretation
One of the key steps to active listening is to reflect what you hear back to the person. Gather all of the information they just shared with you to summarize, interpret, and confirm that what you currently understand is aligned with their actual meaning.
Some useful phrases that can help in this stage are “So what you’re saying is…” and “I’m hearing that…” This technique ensures that you are doing your part to ask for clarification and avoid anything getting lost in translation.
8. Only offer advice if requested
As challenging as it can be not to immediately defer to your instincts to solve or fix something unpleasant, the truth is that people are not always asking for that kind of response. In a lot of cases, someone might ask another to listen for the sake of sharing something they’re currently facing.
Whether the person plans to solve it herself or figure out how to do so with the help of others, it is always better to ask permission before imposing your opinions or solutions unless otherwise requested. One way of prompting this is by asking, “Would you like to hear my suggestions?”
Listening with intention
While we might not always be perfect at it, putting in the work to improve our listening skills goes a long way. Because, as basic a function as it sounds, the truth is that it is undeniably a significant factor in how well we feel connected in all of our relationships.
The great thing is that, regardless of how well we are doing in this area, it is always possible to keep working on these techniques long-term. Eventually, when we figure out how to listen to others in an intentional way, it can become second nature sooner than we might think.
