Photo taken in Dubrovnik, Croatia
Alive at the Core
One of the hardest truths to wrap your head around is knowing when to break away from what you and the vast majority within your circle have done for years. Like the twinkling lights of an enormous constellation, perhaps any prospect of altering its form in any way goes against all instincts.
It’s not easy to walk away from the familiar, to edge off toward the unexpected only to appear as a lost outlier drifting above the clouds. The paradoxical reality, however, is that it is the act of daring to wander astray that leads you to finally finding yourself.
In my experience, following the natural urge of self-direction is not so much about wasting away in forfeit of passion or reason. Rather, I see it as the opposite, a period in which you are turning inward and doing the work to figure out who you are, your purpose, and what matters most to you.
Because who can really answer that other than you? As isolating as the journey can seem at first, the process of self-discovery is one that I believe only brings you closer to others with a greater sense of connection and belonging.
It’s a transformative time in your life in which intrinsic motivation comes alive at the core of your very being, guiding you to figure out how you want to spend your time in this world. That said, here are seven signs you might come across in your practice of self-direction.
1. Goal Setting
One clear indicator that you are owning your personal growth is the goals you set for yourself, which will include your underlying intentions. This involves asking important questions centered on your why and the meaning behind your actions.
What does success look like for you? When will you know that it’s time to recalibrate and realign your efforts? While goals are necessary for setting a destination, the insights from the actions you take provide a sense of guidance.
2. Holistic System
Personally, one of the surest ways to hold yourself accountable on a regular basis is by designing a system tailored to your needs. Simply putting blockers as daily or weekly reminders can help you stay focused with greater consistency.
Of course, we can always expect pressing matters to come up every now and then, but striving to follow through as best as you can makes a difference. In the long run, these habits and rituals will reveal the progress you’ve made, which you can always tweak in a way that works for you.
3. Personal Values
As often as this topic gets repeated, there’s just no denying how essential it is in the world of self-development. Our values represent the markings of the compass we hold in our hands; the signposts that give us clues hinting when we are stuck in a maze or making strides toward our purpose.
This back-and-forth dynamic of recognizing whether we’ve moved outside our ideals and how to return to them is an ongoing lesson throughout our lives. Of course, there’s no such thing as perfection, but hopefully we only get better at this over time.
4. Essentialism
I find this subject a difficult one to actualize well, and yet I have no doubt that it’s one of the most significant aspects of self-direction. Essentialism is the art of sticking to your priorities and learning to say ‘no’ whenever a situation genuinely calls for it.
We all have different thresholds when it comes to how much we can handle, a survival mechanism that perhaps we’ve developed from our circumstances and upbringing. But exercising the right to walk away in order to remain true to our aims and principles is always an available choice that should never be taken for granted.
5. Acts of Self-Worth
Growing up, I once heard someone say that the true meaning of integrity comes from doing the right thing when no one is looking. This resonated with me because it helped me understand the difference between self-worth and self-esteem.
While the latter is tied to external forms of approval and validation, the former is based on your inherent value and potential as a human being that can never be taken away from you. Just understanding this can help you discover the backbone you’ve always had that you only strengthen with time by honoring yourself and your right to be here.
6. Reflection
It goes without saying that the word self-direction itself can be misinterpreted in a negative way, perhaps because the label itself might connote arrogance at first. Of course, we need our loved ones to call us out on any blind spots we need to know about, especially when we have the kind of relationship that allows for that.
But I also think that it’s just as important for us to put ourselves in check, to get real about what we’re feeling and reflect on all areas of improvement. Ultimately, that responsibility will always sit with us as we learn to parent ourselves and understand the balance between confidence and humility while accepting that the process is never going to look pretty.
7. Outside Comfort Zone
Another sign that you can expect to come up against is the feeling of being out of sorts every now and then. It’s only likely for this to happen because it’s a natural part of stepping outside of your comfort zone.
There’s a price to pay when you decide to question any behavior stemming from blind conformity while continuing to search for your authentic voice. Thankfully, the value of self-discovery cannot be underestimated, with more moments to appreciate as you discover all of the kindred spirits out there doing just the same.
Renewed Return
The way I see it, there’s a common misunderstanding that nonconformity and self-direction require an outraged, superior sense of indignation toward the current order of things, which I cannot help but disagree with entirely. Rather, I see it as a silent retreat of contemplation, a temporary pause that empowers you to finally be honest with yourself.
Maybe finding the 2.0 or 3.0 version of yourself actually leads you to service itself, back toward community with a deeper grasp of what your personal contribution will entail. While it may take a moment of departure, it also empowers a point of renewed return—so that maybe the original cluster to which you belong could finally expand in a slow but steady step to transformation.
